hesitation
by bara.no.hitsuji
Summary: "who do you like most?, me or yuuki?", zero had a dream, ichiru asked a confusing questions to zero, and then it became a reality! oh poor zero.. maybe it a slight ichiruxzero, but it's a complicated feeling of zero, read please!


me: hello minna! hitsu is baack! XD oh I miss you guys (who? haha)

bara: welocme back, hitsu-sama

me: oh hello bara-kun ^^

bara: you're barely open fanfiction, what happened?

me: nothing really, just alotof stuff at college.. eh, bara-kun, do you miss me?

bara: *blush* a-am not! why should I?

me: araa~ don't be shy~

bara: l-let's tell the disclaimer and warning *looked away*

me: *sigh* oh well, then please help me

bara: ok! *sudden change personality* this story belongs to hitsu-sama, but the world, the characters, and everything about Vampire Knight are belongs to matsuri hino sensei *smiles*

me: the warnings?

bara: oh.. I think this ff is safe.. maybe a little bit shonen-ai and bad mouth of zero.. that's all

me: yosh! please enjoy it! XD

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ah almost forgot! just like the usual...

"bla bla" for conversation

'bla bla' for thoughts

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**HESITATION**

"Who do you like most, me or Yuuki?"

Zero faced the voice he just heard by now. It came from a man who had identic face with him. He looked into the lavender-colored eyes in front of him and found a deep seriousness inside.

"Ichiru... what.." Zero in his confusion unconsciously spoke out.

"Just answer me, Zero." Ichiru grabbed the front of Zero's shirt. Zero had no idea of Ichiru's mind. He didn't attempt to fight back, yet Ichiru tightened his grip. Those purple eyes glared at Zero's confused ones. Zero really didn't understand Ichiru's purpose of the question.

"Zero. Stop spacing out. Answer me." Ichiru insisted, but Zero just couldn't answer.

He pushed Ichiru with no intention of running away, so Ichiru could easily prevent him to get away. Zero didn't know what was going on with his body that he couldn't barely moved his own arms to push Ichiru away.

"Zero." Ichiru's voice sounded far. It seemed like he was evading.

"Zero."

"...ro."

"...Zero .. wake up.."

"Zero, wake up!"

Zero blinked at the voice just now. He opened his eyes and saw Ichiru's face right in front of him. He didn't know since when he closed his eyes.

"Why're you sleeping here? You'll catch a cold."

'I'm asleep? So Ichiru's question before was just a dream?' Zero hardly sat up and rubbed his head. He straightened his body and looked at Ichiru who stood beside him. He blinked for a while and tried to gain his conscious. After he felt aware of his condition, he answered him.

"I .. I think I'm going to take a bath." Zero now remembered. He took a nap while waiting for Yuuki. She was inside the bathroom before. "Is Yuuki still inside the bathroom?"

"No one inside, Zero." Ichiru replied simply.

Zero stood up and walked toward the door, going to the bathroom. But suddenly, he turned back and stared at Ichiru who made no move at all.

"Anyway, why're you here?" Zero leaned to the door.

"Hm, nothing. It's just chairman's request. He called me here to meet the moon dorm's leader privately, but I have no interest. So, I take a look around and found you here." Ichiru spoke tauntingly.

"Just go back to your room. You're prohibited here." After said that, Zero left Ichiru behind and just approached the bathroom.

"Who said that? I can do whatever I want." Ichiru said confidently, but Zero ignored him. He waved his hand to Ichiru without looking back.

"It's chairman's territory after all." Zero said. "I don't really care of what you're gonna do." With that, Zero took a step to the bathroom and quickly closed the door.

'Geez.. what kind of dream was that?' Zero thought when he was alone in the bathroom. He remembered the dream he had before. Ichiru's voice still echoed inside his head. Zero took it seriously eventhough it was just a dream.

'Why I have a dream like that? Ichiru or Yuuki? What does that mean?' Zero's mind full with the dream. He slowly removed his clothes when he was still confused of the dream.

Without warning, someone opened the door. Of course, Zero turned to the door to see who was it. He was quite startled to see Ichiru there. He thought that he most probably had back to the dorm, but it seemed that he was wrong.

"You forgot your clothes, Zero."

Ichiru walked closer to Zero and gave his clothes. For unknown reason, Ichiru looked at Zero amusingly. Zero felt uneasy about it. He was topless in front of Ichiru. That was because Ichiru came in right after Zero undressed himself.

"Hm, Zero, you are very well built. Are you doing exercise?" Ichiru complimented Zero's body. He meaningly looked at Zero up and down like examined some luxurious things.

"Huh? What are you talking about?" Zero furrowed his eyebrows and turned Ichiru around. He pushed Ichiru to the edge of the door. "Get out of here, I'm taking a bath here."

Zero closed the door after Ichiru out of the room. He sighed deeply and try to wash away Ichiru from his mind. He needed bath now. He needed to relax. He needed to ... clear his mind.

Finally, morning came. Zero slowly opened his eyes and breathed calmly. He woke up with miserable feeling inside his heart. He scratched his head and thought about the event at the previous night. He couldn't believe of what he just dreamed about. 'Ichiru...'

He sat up on his bed and shocked of what he just found under his blanket.

"ICHIRU!"

Zero screamed his twin brother's name loudly as he took a step back, but unfortunately, he made a contact with wall. His heart beat fastened.

"W-what the hell are you doing in my bed?" Zero freaked out. He kicked him, but Ichiru rolled himself so Zero didn't get him. "Get outta here!"

Ichiru quickly sat up and smirked. "What .. do you mean? I'm sleeping of course."

"The hell I care ... It's my room! And my bed!" Zero yelled irritatedly. He throwed a pillow to Ichiru which Ichiru catched it easily.

"Geez Zero .. aren't we used to share our bed? Aren't we used to sleep together?" Ichiru shrugged. He smiled to the awful-looked Zero. Zero could barely moved and shouted.

"We're already grown up! Don't make such an excuse, that's not fair from beginning." Zero scratched the back of his head. Ichiru looked at his confused face then laughed. Zero now even more confused.

"Not fair?" Ichiru continued talking and laughing. "What are you babbling about? That's the truth, Zero. Are you forgotten about what we've done before?"

Ichiru smiled again and put the pillow back to the bed. He fixed his bang and looked into Zero's own serious eyes. Zero didn't know what on his mind and he was afraid of that, but Ichiru didn't made any suspicious move. Furthermore, he patted on Zero's shoulder then waved his hand as he walked toward the door.

"You'll be late if you don't hurry, Zero-nii." And then Ichiru walked out.

Zero still stared at him—at the door actually, because Ichiru had gone from his room. He sighed deeply. 'What's wrong with him? He called me 'Zero-nii'? He's become weird lately. And also... in my dream...' again, Zero remembered the question in his dream before.

'Who do you like most, me or Yuuki?'

Zero shook his head and quickly stood up. He wanted to erase that from his mind, but it seemed that it would be tough for Zero. He glanced at the clock and realized that Ichiru didn't lie. He washed his face and quickly grabbed his uniform. After wore it, he took his bag and walked fast to the class. Actually, he didn't really care whether he would be late or no, he just wanted to comfort himself in the class and got away from his own thought.

Fortunately, he didn't late, though everyone already there, including Ichiru. Zero just glanced at him and took his seat. Yuuki and Yori had been there, in their seat in front of Zero. As usual, they greeted him and he ignored them.

"Can you at least reply with 'oi' or something like that?" Yuuki blurted out his mind. Zero heard her, but he didn't say anything.

"Hey Zero, that was really cold of you." Suddenly a voice interfered. Zero took a glimpse and found Ichiru sat beside him. "You should be more friendly with girls."

"Whatever." Zero ignored him too, but it didn't affect Ichiru. He circled his arms around Zero's neck as friendly as he could and smiled.

"That's really mean, Zero-nii." Ichiru pouted—it was an act of course. Zero felt uneasy of him and stashed away his hand, but Ichiru insisted to lean over him. "Come on, bear with it, I'll sit beside you from now on."

"Hell no." That was a simple reply from Zero. He glared at Ichiru who still smiled warmly as usual. It annoyed Zero to the most. "Who give you that permission, huh?"

"Chairman."

Zero gritted his teeth as Ichiru said that. That was the word which Zero didn't want to hear for the most. If chairman had said that, Zero couldn't do a thing. Ichiru just smiled in his victory. Until the class end, Zero endured his very emotion of Ichiru and his bad-mouthing.

"Ne, Zero, I need to ask you something." Ichiru said as he packed his things. The class was over and half of the class—mostly girls—had left the class. Zero had no intention to involved with Ichiru anymore. He had enough headache because of him. Zero quickly got up and about to run away, but unfortunately Ichiru grabbed his arm. Zero looked at him angrily.

"I said I want to ask you something? Can you give me some of your time?" Ichiru pulled Zero back to his seat.

Yuuki had packed her things and about to go to do her job as guardian. He turned at Zero and saw him still sit on his seat. Yuuki just wanted to bring him with her, but she saw Ichiru smiled on her. He meaningly asked permission to have Zero. Yuuki, as ignorant as a child, let Ichiru had his way with Zero and left them alone in the empty class.

"Nah Zero, nobody could hear us now, can I talk?" Ichiru asked politely to Zero. He still kept his simple smile on his face.

"What is it? You'd better hurry because I need to do my job." Zero finally surrendered, though he didn't look at Ichiru at all.

"Just one question and I'll leave." Ichiru made a statement and started asking. "I always wonder what is Yuuki for you. She seems important."

"Huh? Why you ask that suddenly?" Zero frowned his eyebrows and bluntly replied with another question.

"Because my beloved brother will be taken away by someone and that means she'll do something to you which I don't like it."

Now Zero was completely aware of him. He listened carefully to every words Ichiru had said. "Your ... what?" Zero's mind gone blank. He wasn't ready yet for such a confession. After a dream, now it became real? Zero frustrated to the most.

Ichiru furrowed his eyebrows and his eyes glowed in anger. "Can you stop spacing out when you talk to me? I'm sick of that. Your eyes are empty once you look into my eyes, why is that? I don't like that. You never like that before."

"Four years have passed. I'm not the same anymore, Ichiru." As Ichiru complained, Zero tried his best not to spacing out and let Ichiru knew his weakness. 'I thought you're dead back then. How can I not spacing out remembering you four years ago with that woman? It's just terrible to know you love that woman so much.'

"Then tell me, what's Yuuki for you? Someone special? More than me?" Ichiru insisted his question. Zero's eyes widened as he heard Ichiru.

'More than you? What do you mean? What are you up to?' Zero mulled over things inside his brain before he could respond. "You and Yuuki are different kind of matter."

For Zero didn't even know what reason, Ichiru chuckled. "Haha, see? You're going to run away again. I didn't say to put me in equal with that girl, but whatever, you've answered me, even I'm not satisfied yet. I'll get my answer again, once you understand what I mean. You're not changed after all, Zero."

Ichiru kept his words. He left right after he said goodbye to Zero. Zero sat still on his seat, trying not to fall to Ichiru. He was really glad when he knew Ichiru still alive, but he was different, completely different. He served vampires for Zero didn't even want to know what reason, and also he behaved so well which Zero didn't know whether he just pretend to be like that or that was the real of him.

'Ichiru...' Zero touched his forehead as if he had a headache. 'For me .. you're important, as well as Yuuki. I'm glad both of you didn't change into vampires. Maybe there'll be no purpose in my life if you're really dead and Yuuki became a vampire.'

Zero smiled sadly in the empty class. He barely sensed the loneliness there. How could his brother love the woman so much? The woman who turned him into a vampire four years ago. Tears could be seen at the edge of his beautiful purple eyes, yet he still smiled sadly. 'The truth is .. I love both of you and I want to protect you.'

Zero took a deep breath and calmed himself. He was too sensitive today and he wouldn't let himself being swept away again. He stood and finally been able to have his usual attitude, cold and untouched. He was just too stubborn to admit his very own little heart's wish. He walked slowly and lazily to the front of the Moon Dorm's gate to help Yuuki, to do his guardian's job. The sun almost set and he didn't care about it. Better late than not going at all. As long as Ichiru and Yuuki didn't change into vampires, he wouldn't let himself die, even he hated himself so much.

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me: yap that's it! oh... sorry if it's not good *bows* this story just passed through my mind so I wrote it

bara: please review!

me: I need review... oh, and I plan to submit three more stories! one-shot of course ^^

if you have time, please read them too, I'll be very happy ^^ though it's not VK, different kind of stories and character and manga too, hehehe.. I still have alotof stories in my mind, so just wait! ah, anyway, I'm sorry if it's too OOC, I planned to made the m as OC as possible though

bara: really? oh I can't wait to read it

me: yes, yes, I'll let you read them first so you can help me of giving the warnings because the rating will not be K or K+ anymore... hihihi *evil smirk*

bara: eeeeh? *shock* hitsu-sama.. you...

me: *hugs bara* so what? you'll help me, won't you? *drags him*

bara: NOOOO...!


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